Friendships are a tough topic to talk about because there isn't much out there about it. Well thats kinda a lie there is a bit out there but its all "how to make friends","friendship goals", but nothing out there is the "real" truth about friendship.
Everyone has different definitions of what they would considered a friend or a best friend. What I consider a friend who is someone who is there for you through the good and bad. I don't have the best back story with friendships as I did have quite a few falling outs. Through this though I have learned a lot about trust, people and honesty and wouldn't change a thing. Each falling through has had its ups downs, and some way more difficult than others. My most recent falling through with a friend has been the toughest so far because I have known them for so long, but from this I learned who my true friends are.
Throughout my experiences over the past years, I've learned major lessons. Here are the top 5 things I've learnt when it comes to friendships.
1. Communication
People tell you this is important for any relationship and this is totally true. Communication is key, now with this day in age everything is written either through texting or some form of messaging. Yes texting and emailing is communication, but take the time to call or meet up with the person. There is less likely to be a misunderstanding and you can talk about it and see if you are on the same page. Also communication is key if anything is bothering you. Yes I have lost a friend due to a misunderstanding. Instead of just talking about it, she got mad at me about what she thought and I wasn't given a chance to explain my story.
With this day in age people hide behind a screen be it a computer or phone screen so they don't have to deal with their problems. People behind the screens are afraid to talk in person, allowing them to hide is what they feed off of.
I believe that if me and my friend actually talked in person about the issue the friendship could have been saved.
2. Put in the effort
Just like school work if you don't put effort in then how will you learn or grow. Now here comes the struggle that the effort has to come from both ends. You both need to be putting in equal effort for balance. If you find that you are putting in way more work then you need to question the friendship.
This happened to me in my most recent falling out, I felt as if I was putting in all the effort. I was the one texting, calling, trying to make plans because I wanted to talk or hang out. Eventually I got fed up and stopped texting as often or calling to see if they would step up. They didn't it got to the point where there was weeks without communication. After talking to them about it I realized that I wasn't gaining anything from it and I was tired of being the one to put in the effort I felt as if I was a chore to my friend. I felt as if my friend felt like hanging out with me was a chore.
3. Be Yourself
It might seem funny to some that i'm even putting this in the list, but its true. Whats the point of having friend if you can't be yourself, if they can't be with you when you got no make-up on and you chilling in your sweats and watching tv then who are they. The entire point of your friendship is that they know the real you and you can act yourself and be a real goof around them. I have found that is some friendships that i'm not my true self but this comes with time. You start to learn who you are and you learn who your true friends are at the same time.
4. Pay Attention
From paying attention I mean pay attention to your gut feeling, or as I would like to say red flags. Friends should be with you through thick and thin, and support you not matter what. Friendship is not a competition, they should not be trying to one-up you in everything or trying to make you feel insecure. If you start seeing these flags don't ignore it, do something.
Again onion my recent falling out this happened a lot and it took me a long time to figure it out but hey at least I eventially learned. This friend no matter what one-uped me in everything. One tests her goal was to always get higher than me on a test (more than likely she did), school wasn't my strong suit so this wasn't very difficult. But when we would get our test marks back she would ask what I got then laugh when I told her because her mark was better. Also during games she would cheat to win or find some excuse if she lost. I started to realize the flags, and things didn't feel right and eventually I learned that was I her punching bag.
I learned so much from this experience, TRUST YOUR GUT.
5. Not all friendships will stand the test of time
Yes this is true, there isn't much to say except not all friendships are meant to be.
